LxLight: Contradictions
by PerpetualOblivion
Summary: The first thing that L has never understood was love. Something is happening between Light and L, though they are both lost and unaware. L's feelings begin ripping past control as he struggles to hide them out of fear of rejection and hate.
1. Unspoken

_Contradictions_

The one thing that L truly never understood, no matter how hard he struggled through thought, how much he concentrated, was the emotion called love.

Sure, he'd taken likings to people before, such as the children at Wammy's House orphanage, and Watari himself. The Task Force were decent partners, so he had taken a modest, polite liking to them as well. But there was a thick, bold line drawn somewhere, which separated these people from the single one on the other side of the great, mighty line, he concluded thus far. But what puzzled L was where exactly that line was, and what was so different between the two sides of that line. Where they two sides of the same coin, or two different coins, one silver, one gold, altogether?

L didn't know where to find an existing answer to that. He bit at the skin of his thumb in frustration, glancing at the source of that very frustration just a few icily empty seats away, since the Task Force had left long ago. _Perfect_ chestnut hair that fell across his eyes often, _perfect_ caramel eyes that never failed to spirit L away into their depths, _perfect_ form, _perfect, _simply flawless skin, not a single blemish visible to dare prove him wrong... the list could go on like this forever. Light was a true personification that word- _perfection_. L sighed quietly and lowly, like the provoked animal he was, wanting to ravage this perfection, to be enthralled in thrilling pleasure and pain. But the one was problem clearly present was this; how could his feelings, whatever they were labeled as, ever be returned? Was there even a slim possibility?

Eventually, L slowly rose from his respective chair, plopping his bare feet on the cold tiled floor, and the chain connecting them as one jingled softly like a weak bell. "Light-kun, I believe that's more than enough work for tonight. You need your sleep." L called gently, almost as if he were afraid to break the silence. He wondered if his voice was even audible. His dark eyes darted to Light's huddled form on the chair. L waited a little longer, shifting on one foot to the other unconsciously, but there was no movement whatsoever except gentle, even breathing. "Light-kun?" L questioned worriedly, sliding over the to chair, almost leaping, scanning over Light's still form rapidly. L felt a grin tug at his lips at what he saw.

Light was fast asleep, his arms huddled around his knees and chest limply, a small, sugar-sweet smile gracing his lips adorably. He looked much like a snug little puppy, L noted. His hair was dangling in front of his eyes, changing position at every tiniest move. "I was quite correct when I said you needed your sleep, hm?" L asked softly, brushing the hair from Light's eyes and savoring its soft, silky feel as if he'd never be able to touch it again. Maybe that was true.

His hand slipped down to Light's face to caress his cheekbones ever-so-softly, like the wary touch of a feather. "You may never feel the way I do to you in return, but I'll always... feel this way, I'm sure of that, Light-kun." L whispered as he gradually pulled his hand away. "There's a 99.97% chance of that always being the solid truth." L didn't notice the slight smile on Light's lips widen.

"Let's go to our room, shall we?" L cooed lovingly, obviously not expecting a response as he riskily lifted Light into his arms, _bridal-style_, and roamed down the plain halls, the chain between them dangling across the floor being the only sound nearby besides united breathing in an undisturbed harmony.

L delicately laid Light on the silky white bed that was softer than a cloud, as if he were a porcelain doll just waiting to shatter with one terribly wrong, fatal move. Then, L sighed sullenly, drawing his thumb to his lower lip as he sat like a gargoyle, a guardian, on the right side of the bed carefully. He was now watching Light intently, studying every rhythmical little rise and fall of his chest. He wasn't sure what to do; in fact, he was completely lost yet again. He obviously wasn't going to fall asleep any time soon, he didn't need to anyway, he never did.

He turned ever-so-slightly, his right eye not daring to leave Light's figure and picked up a sleek silvery laptop off of the otherwise vacant nightstand, flipping it open slowly, silently, and quickly pressing the power button, a gentle humming whir emanating from the computer as it came to life.

Two little blue light flicked on brightly like tiny specks along the side, as the vent released cool air on L's knee. His thumb expertly darted across the built in mouse, opening up the Kira files interface, typing in the carefully guarded password as silently as he could. If he woke Light up, he'd feel guilty for it, he knew he would.

However, before he returned to his previously abandoned work, he locked the computer and closed the shining lid as it reflected the dim lighting overhead. He set it on the thick, patchwork blanket and he bent his head closer to Light's, arching his pale neck as he did so. He sighed inwardly and rolled his eyes. "_No regrets... regrets would be very unlike you, Lawliet."_ he thought encouragingly, almost scolding as he drew nearer, the space between their faces narrowing drastically. He, with one last inward sigh, softly laid his pink lips on Light's own with a slight, warm press of affection.

_**A/N**- Rated M for the future chapters, which will be much longer. I'm sorry its so short ^^ I tend to get more motivated when reviews are written, but I'm still in school for another 12 days, so I'll be a little busy during this time. Ill still be writing though, the second chapter is already in progress~_


	2. Broken

_Contradictions Chapter Two- Broken _

Light awoke both groggily and unwillingly from a rather pleasant dream, his head dully throbbing with exhaustion. Had he dreamed that someone had kissed him...? Ah yes, that was right, someone with raven-black hair, long eyelashes that beautifully kissed their owner's cheeks, and pale skin, yet still healthy in appearance. He felt stupid for feeling such, but it was almost like the imaginary touch was still lingering gently on his lips, like a sweet candy's precious sugar.

Light then groaned unattractively as he hefted himself into a sitting position, sleepily scanning his surroundings and rubbing at his eyes. Had he fallen asleep here? He didn't think so... he certainly didn't remember such a thing.

At the sound of a shifting form beside him, Light realized he was not at all alone. He looked over, then quickly realized he was never sleeping alone in this room. Had L carried him in here? Light smiled distantly at the thought, it didn't seem likely. L was just his work partner, a rather mysterious one at that. Could L even lift him at all? _"An amusing sight that would be."_ thought Light bemusedly, running his nimble fingers through his unrecognizably messy hair.

After discovering the holes in his theory, Light laughed rather hollowly, sliding off the bed, but then glowered at another realization, feeling the painful tug upon his wrist. L was usually, no, he was _ always _awake before him, so he never had encountered this predicament before. He glanced spitefully at the distant bathroom door, seeking the feel of warm, clean water cascading down his tired limbs, and yanked a little on the silver connection between the two. L didn't respond even in the slightest. "Ryuuzaki, wake up." Light whined in uncharacteristic childish annoyance, yanking harder, and a sharp snap echoed through the room.

_Snap!_

L blinked awake at the noise, gaze immediately landing on the source of the disruptive sound. "Light-kun?" L asked in surprise, already awake, alert and studying the equally surprised expression on the brunette's face. "Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't intend to break it..." Light murmured, massaging the back of his neck with one hand. It took L a few long moments wearing an uncomprehending expression to realize what he was referring to.

L's eyes then landed on the snapped link close to Light's end of the chain and he smiled, a small and polite one. "I suppose it went loose. I'll have it mended this afternoon." he said mildly, sitting up in his unnatural position and pulling his half of the chain unto the bed._"He's certainly a lot stronger than he appears, that wasn't a very cheap chain, loose or not..."_ L thought inquisitively, leaning over to open a drawer near the bedside. He flipped out a tiny silver key and brought it to his left wrist, unlocking the steel cuff with a click. There was no point in wearing it now it was broken, after all.

He noticed Light was still standing there, rooted to the spot, and he motioned at Light's wrist with the miniature key. "Your hand?" L asked for invitation carefully, but he didn't let such care show very easily. Light nodded and knelt before him gracefully, like a noble prince, holding out his connected right wrist. L leaned forward and flicked the key in one rapid motion into the small, hidden keyhole on the cuff's underside, the same click once again resounding, followed by a louder clatter as it fell to the shiny wooden floor. L's fingers unconsciously brushed against Light's bare wrist and L flinched in surprise at what he was doing, quickly pulling away and collecting the other half of the chain off of the floor. He gathered the chains together in a mound and lifted them in his arms, standing and walking towards the door.

_ "I can trust him, even if just for today..."_ L thought passively and paused by the door, looking back slightly at Light, barely even turning his head. "I might as well get it mended now. I'm not sure if we'll still need it though..." L said, but he whispered the second part rather quietly. Little did L know, however, Light had heard, and as soon as L turned on his heels, Light's eyes had widened considerably.

Light sighed nonchalantly, eyes returned to ones bluntly tired. "L... does he no longer believe that I'm Kira?" Light pondered, deeming the thought unlikely and listening as the footsteps in the hall died away to silence. He finally lumbered over to the long sought for bathroom, starting the hot shower, the room beginning to flood with steam.

Light returned to the bedroom shortly after, droplets of warm water still clinging desperately to his hair. He was dressed in a typical attire, a loose, black shirt with a low neck and dark blue jeans. He found the bed neatly cleaned, and silky white curtains pulled back to reveal a large windowed wall with a sliding door leading to a small, stone balcony overlooking a city skyline, showered in cheery golden morning light. Light smiled a little at this; it was the first time he appreciated the admirable view from this room. In fact, it had been a long time since he had appreciated something so taken for granted. He discarded the towel he had been busily wiping his hair with and slid the door open smoothly, not a single creak or whine of age protesting against the movement.

A gentle breeze blew his hair back and he laid his hands on the low, white pillared stone wall built to protect from falling to the city far below. The stone was cold to the touch, yet strangely comforting, as if this place were home. He partially didn't want to have to leave this room and go to his own. But this was actually L's personal room, or one of them, and he couldn't expect to be allowed to stay and intrude.

The cars whizzed through the busy streets below, and Light became conscious of the occasional honks and shouts, of both greeting and threat, echoing throughout the air. Many were at the start of a cycle repeated daily, by first going to work and earning a living to support their families. The streets were horribly clogged because of this, since almost everyone had to do it; that was how the world worked. Then Light, following the lines of assorted cars, flinched at what he next saw.

It was a small car crash, only two cars involved, but the damage was horrifying nevertheless. The entire front half of one of them was completely dented in, likely including where the driver was, like a crushed aluminum can. The back of the other, where the two cars had met, was horribly damaged as well, but not nearly as bad. Entirely new noises replaced the old as they filled the air, frantic screams, such as "Call the ambulance!", "Watch out!" were supreme, but there were also screeching of tires, and, eventually, a wailing siren. Or, maybe more there was more than one siren, Light couldn't quite tell._"Could this be the work of Kira?"_ Light thought, appalled as he continued to watch, desperately wanting to drag his eyes away but unable to.

People were crowding around the scene in worry and fear as officers ushered them back, hurriedly pulling several limp, wailing bodies from the scene and hurriedly loaded them on stretchers when the ambulance arrived a mere second later, sirens crying and shrieking in a single rhythm. Light, although he was so far away, could see the crimson of fresh blood soaking the shirt of one of the victims. All they were doing was trying to be successful... to support their families, but now they were so terribly injured, maybe even likely to die. It was then that he could finally turn away, away from this heinous sight, violent shudders racking his body as he slammed the door shut behind him.

L sat in pure silence, forking his cake, the only one present at the headquarters. The Task Force would arrive soon, but that fact wasn't enough to quell something that L thought he would never feel – a numbing, empty loneliness. He had always worked in secret, alone, never showing his true face, hiding under a number of aliases. He was used to it by now, at least... up until the Kira case. Now that Light was no longer chained to him, he was not forced into being by L's side, nor was he forced into working like he had before.

Based on Light's enthusiasm though... he expected that Light would come back as strong as ever. Stronger, even. Perhaps, he was Kira, and now that he was no longer entitled to cornering himself, or even just the one who held Kira's power at the moment, he was not obliged to arrive any more. But then again, Kira would never make such a foolish move.

L's thoughts were quickly interrupted by the swinging open of one of the doors leading inside and rushed, heavy footsteps. L's chair swung around to see Soichiro Yagami, Light's father. "Hello, Chief." L greeted briskly, out of modesty. Soichiro nodded and immediately asked what L expected most, "Where's my son?"

L restrained a long sigh. "As you can see, your son and I are no longer chained together. I expect he's still showering." L replied monotonously. Soichiro, at this moment, noticed the discarded, fully repaired chain on a clear, glossy glass table in between two pale white couches on the other side of the room. "I'll go look for him. The others are coming today as well, I expect?" L continued in a business tone, finishing off his slice of strawberry cake and making a mental note to pick another up on his way back with Light. Soichiro nodded firmly in confirmation. He looked about to say something, but stopped suddenly. L paid this no mind, it must have been nothing too important.

L stood from his chair, stuffed his hands in his jean pockets, and walked down the hall leading to the room Light and L had been sharing, passing unused offices and elevators. He arrived at their door, placed at almost the very end of the hall. He fished in his right jean pocket, eventually pulling out a golden key card streaked with silver lines. There was a low beep as it was accepted, and the door unlocked with a louder click. L strode inside, his calculating gaze searching for the brunette. He froze when he heard muffled, barely audible sobs from the bathroom.

L sped toward the door, nearly tripping over himself, then struggling in an attempt to open it, but to no avail. It was locked. "Light-kun, let me in." L said firmly, almost desperately, hiding the worry that wouldn't been evident in his voice. Not a question, but a rock-solid demand. The silent sobs ceased and the door swung open rapidly. L gasped a little at what he saw, finally losing his expert ability to hold his concern back.

**A/N:** _Gasp!:O I wonder what happened to Light? I should also let you all know that I have a habit of making cliffhangers whenever I can ^^_

_Thank you for all of the reviews ~ I really appreciate them! :D_


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